I never stopped loving you

I never stopped loving you
I just stopped suffocating you

My idea of love used to be that of jealousy
and complete dominance.
Like a US drone monitoring a terror suspect, so did l track your every move.
Convinced that it was all to protect you
But it was all just an obsessive delusion
From it erupting distrust, deluded suspicions, false accusations and chaos.

Bit by bit, l bit off your wings
Scalded off your furthers
Stripped you naked and gutted out your inner being.
Your self worth, pride, esteem
Then stuffed you with my indoctrinations,
Marinated you in fear and slowly baked you to a brown crisp of sadness.
A proper meal to which l feasted on
Only myself,
I was not to share

I reduced you to a shadow of your former shine,
lurking under the dread of my overcast.
Friends became faces from a distant memory.
Freedom only a word whispered in the darkness by the oppressed
Happiness but a childish fantasy
I disposed you of everything that was you
And turned you into everything that wasn’t you,
a thing of my own design.
I thought that was love
I thought thus a man should love

I never stopped loving you
I just unlearnt everything l thought l knew about love.
I never stopped loving you
I just became less toxic
Sometimes l see the confusion in your eyes when you tell me you’re going out with friends and l just kiss you goodbye without any interrogations.
I see the disbelief when l show you kindness
And the worry when l don’t accuse or check up on you unrelentingly.
You suspect I’ve fallen for another
I nolonger adore you like l used to.
I don’t blame you for suspecting otherwise
Though it’s not the case my love
I’ve only learnt to love you for who you are.
Cherish you without suffocating you
And Love you without burdening you

I want you to be with me not out of fear but out of love.
I want you to fly away and come back home because thus where your heart wants to be, not because you’re scared of being hunted and shot down.
I want you to shine,
To smile
And never to see shrinkened with grief.

I am sorry for who l used to be
Am sorry for nearly killing you while trying to love you.
I love you better now than l did then.
I love you better now than l ever did back then.


3 thoughts on “I never stopped loving you

  1. Amazing, I’ve read it over and over… These are like pieces to the puzzle. You’re really good.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Brilliant. Had me on the edge the entire time. I’m glad you’ve realized your mistakes and are working on mending your ways.

    Liked by 1 person

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